The Truth About a Gratitude Practice

If you are thinking that it doesn't really make sense that finding 5 things every day will make you more grateful, positive and turn your life around, you are not alone.

Our social media culture is one where we see primarily carefully curated images of all the best parts of everyone's lives. Some times the things we see aren't even real. We are bombarded with quotes and messages to 'keep your chin up', look on the bright side and be grateful for what you have. I know I have been author to some of those myself and I am trying to be even more realistic about it now. Nobody can (or should) do this 100% of the time, it's not real.

Being overly positive can be another way of numbing, we choose not to feel any other emotions. People who constantly push the idea that life is always good and you can find the positive in anything are selling toxic positivity. Yes, it's a real thing.

Life is not always sunshine and rainbows, we need the rain. We need to feel the hard things both to teach us about ourselves and the world as well as to help us appreciate the good. So let's look at 3 common misconceptions (or things that are perpetuated on Social Media) about having a gratitude practice and see if we can get a handle on how it might actually work.

1. Being Grateful means you are happy all the time

No. Being grateful doesn't mean that you also can't feel sad, angry, hurt, or any other emotion for that matter. Expecting that you can go through your life without ever feeling a difficult emotion is toxic positivity. You can have a day that just sucks, or where you are only grateful for a whole 10 seconds of it and that's ok!

The point of practicing gratitude is that you get to relive that 10 seconds over and over as many times as you want. You get to tap into that joy you were feeling at the time and it usually comes with a sense of hope for the future that the dark cloud will move off or at leave room for a little more light.

2. You Must start and/or end your day with Gratitude

There certainly are many psychological reasons and benefits why these are the two times that come out on top for maximal gratitude impact but let's face it, everyone who preaches on wellbeing and mental health talks about getting the perfect morning routing or bedtime routine. (usually both!). It's a lot!! Don't fret if you aren't finding the time to get your gratitude in first thing in the morning or right before bed. Any time that you can take a moment and remember something you are grateful for will really help.

(pro tip: if you are having trouble finding time, set an alarm on your phone (I usually set one without a ringer so it's just a visual when I pick up my phone) with a word or short sentence that triggers gratitude!)

3. It is going to solve all your problems.

Again, NO.

Gratitude alone is not going to help turn your life around and this is especially the case if you are experiencing a clinically diagnosed mood disorder (such as depression) or if you have worked into a state of burnout. These are situations where either the chemicals in your brain are imbalanced or you've been giving and over extending for so long that your body starts to shut down. You need more than just a gratitude practice.

A gratitude practice is however a wonderful adjunct to help find a little sliver of light in all that heavy darkness. Just don't expect a cure, you still need to seek professional help and probably make some other lifestyle changes.

It really is important for us to feel and express gratitude for the things we have or experience that bring us joy. It's also important that we still fell all our other feelings and recognize when we need to reach out for help.

I challenge you today to find one small moment of joy. Take a deep breath and let it wash over you. Come back to that moment in your memory as often as you need to. It will help you get through the hard. And there will be hard because it's all part of the experience of being human.