Be Afraid.

You read that right, I didn't forget a word. Most times we hear 'don't be afraid' or maybe we tell other people that. When we tell people this what I think we are often trying to say is to be brave.

Being afraid and being brave are not opposites. Being afraid is a natural response to something that we perceive as a threat, even if it isn't a real. That means that the monster under the bed, the response from our boss, and the charging bear all produce the same physical response in our bodies and like any other emotion, if we are able to rationalize it, think through it and decide if it's actually a threat or not (most of the things in our day to day life are not a true threat to our safety) and we can be brave and take the appropriate action. I don't want to talk about the life-threatening kind of fear today because that requires swift action and usually your body responds to that immediately. I'm talking about the kind of fear that causes an increase in stress hormones in your body but really was not an immediate threat to your life. Like deciding if you should go to that event, take your child to the grocery store or what career path to take.

As a parent of a child with exceptional needs we face even more of these non-life threatening but still fearful moments and decisions on a day to day basis. This causes an increase in stress levels. We often have to make decisions that other parents don't have to make and that other people may not understand. We can become paralyzed in making a decision because of what the 'norm' is or how you might be perceived by other parents, family members or those in the community. It's ok to be afraid. We are wired to feel all the emotions and fear is one of them. What we don't want is to allow that fear to outweigh our love for ourselves, our family and our child so that it keeps us from making the decisions that we need to make for us. We need to be brave.

Being brave is not always about action, sometimes it's about inaction but what it's always about is standing in the face of fear with love and vulnerability and doing what's right for you. If we didn't experience any fear we would not have the opportunity to be brave. Fear is what lets us know that we are growing and changing. It allows us to take stock of what really matters and can be a turning point in our lives. Some bigger decisions require some deliberation and deciding if they are truly important and what path to take, others are just about deciding that you want to be yourself and you should dye you hair pink and not worry about it (or any other minor change that lets you be your true self).

Instead of telling someone to 'not be afraid' let's try 'be brave' instead. We can all benefit from each others love, vulnerability and bravery. Take a deep breath and keep moving forward. We can do hard things.