Additude is Everything

We are really lucky that we get to choose how we feel and how we react to everything! Our choices influence the outcome of every interaction we have. It’s possible for us to have a good outcome or a poor outcome just based on how we go into the situation. This goes for your IEP meeting as well. If you go in expecting for it to be the most challenging and emotional event of the year it likely will be. On the other side of that is that if you go in with the mindset that it will be constructive and collaborative your positive expectations can help to shift the feel of the meeting at the start. This does not mean to say that you will get everything you want but it certainly will help ease the tension and improve the likelihood of a more positive outcome.

I know you might be thinking…yes, sure I can psych myself up for a positive meeting but what can I do about everyone else’s attitude? It’s true, you can’t control how others think or feel and it’s not your job to however, you can influence the room by being a strong personality. This does not mean you are putting your battle armour on before you go in but merely stick to your attitude that no matter how hard these conversations get we can have a positive, collaborative, professional discussion about what is best for the child.

There are many ways that you can positively influence the room but first there are a couple of things you need to about your own attitude before you enter the room.

1. Check your emotions.

It’s hard when we are talking about such a sensitive subject as a child’s behavior and our ability to either parent or educate them (sometimes both!). Before you go into a meeting, no matter what your role is, jot down on a scrap piece of paper or in a journal all of the things that are on your mind. They could be related to what is going to happen at the meeting or that your dog was acting funny that morning and you have been thinking that maybe something is wrong. Whatever is taking up your brain space, make sure it comes out on paper so that you can free up your intellectual and emotional space for the meeting that is coming up. That will help to keep you focused and allow you to engage productively and professionally.

2. Review your Values.

Knowing what is important to you so you can focus on those priorities during the meeting is very important so that you know where you need to focus and where you can let things slide a bit. If we are hyperfocused on everything we really don’t solve any problems. The IEP is a living document and it can change as circumstances and your child’s skills change. One thing to ensure is that you have a plan for evaluating where you are at in those priorities so that you can stay on track, measure progress and adjust accordingly.

3. Affirm yourself and the team.

Before you go in tell yourself “we are all strong, competent adults and we all are working hard to do what’s best for this child. We can work together, have respectful conversations and come up with an appropriate action plan today”. You can use your own words and most certainly, if your child is old enough to attend and contribute then include them in the affirmation because after all, this is all about them gaining the skills they need to succeed at life. We need a reminder that we are all on the same team and we can work though the hard things together and be better for it in the end.

Now that we have our own emotions in check and we are ready for a positive and productive meeting then we can work on a couple of things that will help to influence the others in the room to also shift to a more positive mindset. We can actually start before we even get to the meeting.

1. Set up for positivity and collaboration.

When you send or respond to the meeting request for an IEP (or any other meeting for that matter) include a note of positivity such as “I’m looking forward to working with everyone to problem solve the transition into school to improve the school experience for Johnny and his team”. This lets them know what your main priority is, you are looking for collaborative solutions and you are thinking about what is best for the child and the team (which includes parents, educators and therapists)

2. Be grateful.

Gratitude goes a long way in influencing others to help you out, which is exactly what you need in this situation. When you enter the room (or sign into the Zoom call) sincerely thank the other team members for their time, presence and collaboration on the concerns to be addressed.

3. Show respect.

Nobody wants to be blamed for the challenges that are occurring in your child’s school or home life. Make sure that when you are speaking about a challenge that you try do remain calm, dig to find the root of the problem (which is usually the child lacking a skill) or can sometimes be a lack of training or resources. These are problems that can be rectified or alternate solutions found but maintaining good interpersonal relationships is important.

The key to all of this is that you are a positive influence if you choose to be and by choosing to be that positive influence you can improve the chances of having a positive outcome from your meeting. Keeping that collaborative, professional environment your child will have a better chance of continuing to move forward.